Sunday, November 4, 2012

Escape Into My Own Consciousness

Escape Into My Own Consciousness

             Escape into (my own) consciousness
             Sometimes it’s the only way
             It’s the only place

             Life takes place anyway.

LET the world revolve around me
Rather, certainly, than THEM.


Retain
Maintain
Identity
Your entity

             Don’t let them talk you into

                                         Insanity
                 In vanity
                 Is sanity

 
How you look at yourself
And what you do
Is your business
                               Don’t them make it theirs

You need

Privacy
To survive I see
It’s the only way



                                              My memory
                                              It’s them or me

(At times like this)
Vanity
Is sanity
This being at the center of my life.

                          ESCAPE!!
                          Into (my own) consciousness
                          Sometimes it’s the only way.

- Colleen Lloyd
about 20 years ago...





A Tower of Strength

A Tower of Strength

I don't want to be a tower of strength,
I want to be a woman.
I don't want to stand at the awards altar of the TV church
And be a survivor, in control of my emotions at my celebrated, 
Long-awaited moment,
I don't want to be the Grand Coulee Dam.
I want to let them flow, to be overwhelmed, to let them happen to me
Like the Columbia River,
Along for the ride
Like I've been since a child.
I don't want to be a celebrity,
To live up to myself,
Be shiot in the back,
To live up to someone else
Who's looking through my garbage.
And although I could
I don't want to be Audrey Hepburn
Picture-perfect, though she did it so well...
Rita Hayworth in her time will tell you the same thing.
And although how swell it would be to be Lucy
Or Bette Davis or Midler or Carol Burnett I'm sure it's hell
To be Colleen is all I ever wanted
And all I ever was
And all I ever will be.
A tower of strength.

-Colleen Lloyd
September 11, 1994
Las Vegas, Nevada
A Tower of Strength

I don't want to be a tower of strength,
I want to be a woman.
I don't want to stand at the awards altar of the TV church
And be a survivor, in control of my emotions at my celebrated,
Long-awaited moment,
I don't want to be the Grand Coulee Dam.
I want to let them flow, to be overwhelmed, to let them happen to me
Like the Columbia River,
Along for the ride
Like I've been since a child.
I don't want to be a celebrity,
To live up to myself,
Be shot in the back,
To live up to someone else
Who's looking through my garbage.
And although I could
I don't want to be Audrey Hepburn
Picture-perfect, though she did it so well...
Rita Hayworth in her time will tell you the same thing.
And although how swell it would be to be Lucy
Or Bette Davis or Midler or Carol Burnett I'm sure it's hell
To be Colleen is all I ever wanted
And all I ever was
And all I ever will be.
A tower of strength.

-Colleen Lloyd
September 11, 1994
Las Vegas, Nevada

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Breaking Even




       Breaking Even

Breaking, even
Is a picture of all I have left of you
You gave me so many days like the one there
You on your knees with a granddaughter
...
You takin me to Sears
Buyng me everything my heart desired
Mistaken I was making something more
Trying everything to start a fire
I always thought I could give it all back
But now I know
Love was never meant to be fair
Divided equitably
Investment insured and returned
Spanking dust off your hands, child
Debtless and doubtless
Of dying having done something to lift us higher
But too much is required
To ever even the endless grieving
The breaking even of this heart for yours.

- Colleen Lloyd
about Dad
Herschel  Dean Lloyd
February 24, 1993

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Still I Dream of You

Still I dream of you
And try to slip into
The sweet ethereal
World where you appear
And you are always glowing golden
In your prime

Why do you keep coming back to love me now
When I left you behind and all the hurt
Another life ago
And I have let you go
Still I dream of you
I try to be sane and forgive us both for battling with wounded minds
So many years ago
And I thought that wound had healed
And closed
But still I dream of you


Colleen Lloyd
just now
Michael was haunting me in a good way again in the dream I just woke from

 
you are not to see this til after your run at 6am happy running

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Under a Red Sky



Under a Red Sky

Verse 1
Walkin a Rocky Road by the River
As their dreams, they go hand in hand
Building a new life
A man and his young wife
He brought her there to share what was his father’s land

Verse 2
There’s a memory on the hill above the water
As the scarlet sun of spring is settin down
She’s sayin, within me lives your child
In his joy he smiled
And felt my heart beat with his that moment on
And I feel the good in them, in us goes on

Chorus
Under a red sky fading into purple and blue
While I’m fading into you
As twilight turns to day
Learnin just how to play
With all the fire in the red sky
With all the fire in the red sky

Verse 3
Silhouettes in scenes between the willows
His life’s work; to her, a work of art
Now she paints in that memory’s place
A shadow ‘cross his face
A pain big as a silver dollar in his heart

Verse 4
 Still it never stops them dancin around the kitchen
Years when all he can bring her is a coke
Still she stopped believing that his love
Was much more than enough
His head shook, I shoulda took a better road
What do you see in me I’ll never know

Chorus
I see a red sky fading into purple and blue
While I fade away with you
And though we turn to gray
The years can’t rain away
The desire in your sea green eyes
With all the fire in the red sky

Verse 5
Wintertime she returned to the River
As their dreams, he drifted away with the sand
(We all said) Of all the loves I’ve laid to rest
This man was the best
All my wrongs can’t undo the right he’s done
All he had to leave was just his daughter and his sons

Interlude ½ Chorus
Under a red sky -
Verse 6
Mama paint me a memory of tomorrow
Green and bright so I’ll know which way to go
As we spend another night
Lookin for his light
Cause it‘s too dim to make it down that Rocky Road

Verse 8
A woman’s tears are enough to fill the River
When he floats far too far before she finds
For the ones who can’t go back
And heal the heart’s attacks
All we can hope is Heaven’s heart will heal our minds
Pieces of the broken homes for the blind
Love picked up where it left off and left behind

Chorus
Under a red sky fading into purple and blue
While I’m waiting here for you
Though you’re a world away
I see you everyday
In all the fire in the red sky
Another red sky fading…
So when you turn away
I’ll fight to make you stay
With all the fire in the red sky
With all the fire in the red sky
With all the fire in the red sky


copyright© by Colleen-Lloyd