How Long

How long will love flow like the ocean in me? 

How many tears are left to fill it over and over 

Keep it rushing faithfully 

Senselessly 

Shamelessly 

Predictably 

To you 

How long will my heart be controlled by the moon 

Doing what damage to those who build too close 

It wants, raging dutifully 

Ruthlessly 

Unapologetically 

Inevitably 

For you 

How long will I wait for you to walk my sands 

That were once immortal unbreakable stone

I'm always here, replacing tirelessly 

Impossibly 

Undauntedly 

Amazingly 

The past 

With you 

Write your name in me. 

(c) Colleen Lloyd 

Just now 

Hurricane, Utah 

for Jonathan Garfield

Where the Waves break

I want to make love with you

That's true, one time before I die

I want to feel my breath on you

I want to hear you sigh

I want to wrap my arms and legs around you

And feel you rush over and over like the tide into me

I want to walk with you along the beach

That's where I want to be

Come with me and take my hand

We'll make love upon the sand

Where the waves break

On the line between a woman and a man

(c) Colleen Lloyd

February 11, 1993

Could Have Beens

Sometimes all you're left with is why 

Questions you stare like holes into the sky 

And God is cruel 'cause he's not there, there's no reply 

Only what could have been.

And there's no going back, no rewind, no erase 

The lines you slashed out with are left, too, on your face 

The tears you wouldn't cry have dried you up in place 

Of love that could have been. 

And what is real and what is a lie
Will just be buried like a settler who died
And left you wondering o'er his grave 'bout who am I
And life that could have been.

(c) Colleen Lloyd
June 17, 2014 9:30 PM
Hurricane, Utah

Thanks, Dad (Father's Day 1988)

Dear Dad;Thanks for the memories

They're here in my heart

And I know you and me

Will never, never part

Thanks for the melodies

In warm summer days

Thanks for giving to me

In your special ways

Thanks for the smiles

And the joys

And the toys

Every Christmas

And Easter

And birthday

You made the best you could

Thanks, for the while

We've been together

Will always be good

Thanks for the card, Dad

Thanks for the back yard, Dad

Thanks for the call, Dad

Thanks for the rides and the trips to the mall, Dad

Thanks for the love when things are hard, Dad

Thanks for it all, Dad

But most of all, Dad

Thanks

(c) Colleen Lloyd 

Father's Day 1988

Silent Swings

A young sun sky

A sigh blue day

And faces waiting, wondering at the world.

Children sit in silent swings.

Little hands hold still chains.

Shoes stop in the sand.

A smooth spring wind

A warm green way

And faces staring simply at the girl.

Somebody's got to push the swings. 

(c) 1989 Colleen Lloyd

teaching at Creative Academy of Learning 

Arcadia, California

A Higher Mind Delivered

For my mental health

They stripped me of my Will

Negated it and dignity

Made my life a living hell

Though I didn't feel I was living...well

Now three and one-half years later

I am going to get down on my knees and thank God

I am free of it now

I can see it, how

(S)he has delivered me out of the hands of my enemies.

It's taken that long to feel that

I am, at last, from that

72 hours.

Or was it longer?

Whole.

Still,

Contending with everyone

In this fight for the survival of myself

Real or imagined?

It's all the same.

The brain, when you dream

Can't tell the difference.

It remembers the experience.

My God.

And mine beaten and battered beyond its humanity to cope

Tried,

Like my old truck

To obey the divine-self,

Self-belief's commands to

Forget, refuse, deny

When its job was to record it.

Still, the Higher Mind uses the other as it Will,

As it Will turn out.

And I kiss the steering-Will

Of my old truck

And rest upon it

When the world is

Still

Under us

And we rest together upon it

Still

To a Higher Mind

Delivered.

(c) Colleen Lloyd

at Mom's cabin

Cedar City, Utah

about 1986

Step Aside

Let the hollow of your first steps

Follow in your father's footsteps

Pen and footprints leave life's traces

Write and dance, no man erases

Where your heart will mark its path.

Recount the miles, then do the math...

The tracks he laid were still your guide

After you said, "Dad, step aside."

-(c) Colleen Lloyd

1997

For Alexander, firstborn son of my good friend and attorney John Donahue

RIP John

Ryder J. Richie's first birthday party, May 17, 2014 Washington, Utah

Divine Light

I know it's hard
I know you're struggling

And I can't say I've been through

It but I've been somewhere like it too

And my dark side's not so dark when I'm with you

I know you have somewhere to go

And you may not want me to follow

But if you ever lose your mind

Just stay there and look behind

And I'll be picking up the pieces running to your rescue

'Cause thinking of you

I feel a kind of divine light

Lifting us up

Away from the reservation

Hand me downs of pain

And when there's nothing left to do

Nowhere to spend the night

Our love's a blanket of trust

In a pouring homeless nation's

Cold poor relentless rain

So never say you're alone

When I just want to hold you

You can ask me for the world

I'll give it like a string of pearls

Thanking heaven for every breath you take

Every mistake we make

That leads me to you

'Cause thinking of you

I feel a kind of divine light

Lifting us up

Away from the reservation

Hand me downs of pain

And when there's nothing left to do

Nowhere to spend the night

Our love is a blanket of trust

In a pouring homeless nation's

Cold poor relentless rain

-Colleen Lloyd

March 11. 2014  6 am

Hurricane, Utah

JG

Clearing

Maybe it's because I'm old

And there is no time left for hesitation

No time left to not join in the dance

And I've one too many regrets

Maybe it's because I'm young

And there's no day better than today

No body better to join to his 
In unmatched pleasure it's a shame to waste

Maybe it's because I'm tired

Of never living in the moment
Never knowing anything too long but survive

Relentless unforgiving breakers crashing life boat dreams

Maybe it's because I'm strong

And the mountain calls out, promising

My heartbeat's like a warrior's

And my arms and legs are sure to carry me

Maybe it's because I'm crazy

From too many years of not speaking my mind

When something wrong reached out its shadowed hand

Grabbed my spirit, turned my path, stole my destiny

Maybe it's because I'm wise

And I have no room for fools and fakes

So I machete out a reality through the jungle straight to you

And it's all worth that naked moment in the clearing

(c) Colleen Lloyd

March 13. 2014

Hurricane, Utah